We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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