so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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