oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
