Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize