You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
