No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
