Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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