I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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