I got chris browned last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
