9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
