You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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