I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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