the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
