The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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