I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
