May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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