About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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