Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
