I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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