i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
