you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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