he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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