I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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