So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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