I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize