Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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