you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
