I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
