we have pet lesbian snakes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
