Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
