Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
