i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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