I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
