YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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