She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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