biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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