you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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