RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
