I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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