I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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