How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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