remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
