he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
