i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
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Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
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I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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