I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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