dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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