I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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