he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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