I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
