dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
