took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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