the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm eating all of the evidence.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
