Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
