I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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