we have pet lesbian snakes
The maid of honor just puked.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
