I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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