I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My pussy is not your playground.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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