Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
