you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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