i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
