Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
