I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
