id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
