update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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