now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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