I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
