do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
