I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
