her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
