also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
