It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
