Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
