He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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