I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
