I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can I color on your dick again?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
