So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize