What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
