YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize