I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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