we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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