Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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