I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
