he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
where are you?
Hypothermia
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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